I’ve mentioned about how most people deal with emotions which are;
1. Avoidance
2. Denial
3. Competition
4. Learning & Using
Read my previous blog entry here.
This is a continuation of my understanding of dealing with emotions by ‘learning & using’. With this, Tony Robbins talked about the ‘Six Steps of Emotional Mastery’; on how to deal with painful emotions and breaks limiting patterns.
Step One
Identify what you’re really feeling.
When I felt negative emotions, the first thing I do is to identify those feelings. Is it anger? Rejection? Disappointment? Or just being uncomfortable. One way for me to deal with the emotions is writing in this personal blog. It helps me to identify my emotions. Maybe it showed as if I’m wallowing in the negative emotions but I felt I needed the time to identify the emotions by writing it out. Different people will have different ways. Some people might need to just sit it out with a cup of coffee. What’s yours? Take a time out; identify what are you actually feeling.
Step Two
Acknowledge, appreciate your emotions, knowing they support you.
I used to hate my emotions. I hated being emotional. I hated the fact that I’m a woman; having these emotions seem to make the typical stereotype true…that women are emotional. So I became less emotional. Years of ‘training’ makes my wall thicker and higher. And I’m ‘happy’ with that accomplishment.
Not until I found out that emotions is the way my body, my inner & outer world, trying to communicate with me. My emotions are my guidance, my lighthouse and my personal consultant.
If I’m feeling good, it shows I’m doing something right. If I’m feeling bad or negative, it means I need to do something, to change something so I could feel good again.
All emotions, bad or good are signals that needed to be acknowledged. Tony says it best “Cultivate the feeling of appreciation for all emotions.’
Step Three
Get curious about what the message is offering you.
I identified my emotions. I acknowledged & appreciated my emotions. Now, I must be curious on the message my emotions are trying to convey to me. If I’m feeling some negative emotions, then what should I do about it?
Tony presented four simple questions, to raise the curiosity on my emotions.
What do really want to feel?
What would I have to believe in order to feel the way I’ve been feeling?
What am I willing to do to create a solution and handle this right now?
What can I learn from this?
Here, I need to be honest with myself and reminds myself on the four ways to deal with my emotions. Not to fall under avoidance, denial and competitions but into the learning and using mode.
Step Four
Get confident.
“The quickest, simplest and most powerful way I know to handle any emotion is to remember a time when you felt a similar emotion and realize that you’ve successful handled this emotion before” – Tony Robbins
Being alive means I’ve felt several similar emotions several times. Well, many times actually. Now, how did I handle those emotions? How did I overcome them? Did what I've done are positive actions? Not indulging in other things & fall under denial? Did I face it straight up & do positive things that made my negative emotions into positive? Did I understood my emotions & what it was trying to tell me?
So are you having a negative emotion right now? Have you felt it before? What did you do to get yourself up? Once you know what you’ve done before its easier for you to handle your emotion now.
Step Five
Get certain you can handle this not only today, but in the future as well.
If I know that I had handle my emotions before, then I know, with certainty that I’m capable of handling these emotions when it hits me again. 100% certainty. Not maybe. Not I think so. Its I know so.
And there might be more one way that I’ve handled my emotions. When I’m depressed, I took a deep breath & use the steps. Maybe I looked up my nephew baby photos and get motivated to not giving up. Or text my best friend and with that comes the feeling of gratitude that I’ve got someone special in my life.
How did you handle your emotions before? You know you can use it again.
Step Six
Get excited and take actions.
Now that I identified my emotions, I acknowledged & appreciated them as my guidance, I got curious and really questioned my emotions, I asked myself have I ever faced these emotions, how I deal with them and I know that I can handle these emotions when it comes again.
What should I do now?
The above steps are the thoughts process, the last steps are when I took actions. That’s when I choose to listen to inspirations and motivational audio or write in this blog or write an article for my other blogs or looked at my family photos or exercise or look for plain water to drinks or fruits to munch.
Anything good that I understood that are positive and what my negative emotions are trying to tell me to do or change.
Sometime I forgot about these steps and wallow in my dark clouds. When I get back to the simple six steps I found that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Winding paths will come to a straighter and surer paths. A problem will always have a solution.
My next post for this topic will talk about Action Signals. Action Signal are negative emotions that we felt and what are the message and what the action we could take to deal with them.
Again, if you need to know more, please get Anthony Robbins book as this journal is just a tiny fraction of the wisdom he presented.
Have an amazing day!
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