Why I'm unmarried.

Some friends asked me when I’m getting married & ending my single life. My answers would varied because I’m not that really sure of the reason(s) itself.

But lately I’m beginning to face my own fears, my own questionable beliefs and my own insecurities. And I found out that the answer to that was something quite simple.

I just couldn’t find somebody I actually need or may I say, somebody who have a matching needs. Somebody who could fulfill my needs as I could in turn fulfill his…or hers.

Argh…Too much of Ellen/Portia and Lindsay/Samantha filling up my head, not forgetting the catchy Katy Perry song ‘I kissed a girl’. I’m not hiding in any closet but I think I still liked men better…or not…Geh!

Okay, back to the original topic.

Somebody I need. Somebody I could see myself sitting around with at the age of eighty. Me, wrinkly and maybe lost a few tooth. Walked a little slower. Smiled a bit wider. Lost my memory a bit faster. And that somebody who accepted old age with grace together.

Wishful thinking, maybe.

But I believe if you can’t see yourself growing old with somebody then you’re probably should not take the plunge with that person. You might end up in a pit alone by yourself.

Yeah, some may say that you can easily climbed out and give it another shot. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. Then again, if you just don’t learn, you might end up being the next Elisabeth Taylor with a divorced husband number eight.

And since when this article talked about ‘You’. All I want to talk about is ‘Me’. Yep, selfish me.

The only person I ever thought of growing old with is my own best friend. And no, it’s not the “I kissed a girl” syndrome. It’s more like the ‘Wassup’ beer ads.

That’s my idea of growing old gracefully.

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Common sleeping disorders

I can’t sleep. At 5 a.m I’m at my computer and writing this blog to be publish tomorrow…which happen to be today.

I finished some of my other article about 2 a.m and pushed myself to sleep. Yet at 3, I was still wide awake. I took my mobile and played a game for 1 hour. At 4 a.m I’m still wide awake. Reading somewhere that when you can’t sleep, just get up & do something until you feel sleepy, I got up & turn on my computer.

I ended watching a short video, read a couple of e-book and finally decided to write about sleeping disorders based on of the e-book I’ve read.

Written by the U.S National Institute of Health titled ‘Your Guide to Healthy Sleep’; it’s a compact simple book with comprehensive detail about sleeping.

What I‘m going to mention here are five common sleeping disorder, which I will simplify.

1.Insomnia : Defined as having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, or as having un refreshing sleep despite having ample opportunity to sleep. People with insomnia will find themselves having such problems as daytime fatigue, mood swings, irritation and unable to focus.

2.Sleep Apnea : Also known as breathing problem during sleep time. People who have sleep apnea will experience their breathing stopped or becomes shallow due to intermittent blocking of the upper airway. It can last around 10 to 20 seconds and the body will awaken itself with snorts or a choking sounds. The breathing will continue as usual. Those who suffer from sleep apnea may snore loudly and frequently. Though not all people who snores have sleep apnea.

3.RLS (Restless Legs Syndrome) : Defined as unpleasantness and sometime painful prickling sensations in the legs that causes a person inability to fall asleep. This discomfort can be subsided by massaging but it might not work on everybody. Sometime this sensation can also be felt in the arms.

4.Narcolepsy : This is one disorder that I have without even knowing that I had it. Luckily it wasn’t chronic. But finally I got something to explain my ‘weird’ sleep pattern. Main symptom is excessive and overwhelming daytime sleepiness, even after adequate night time sleep. Though the sleeps may be fragmented with frequent awakening. Those with narcolepsy often fall asleep at inappropriate times & places. Like in the middle of a class or church sermons. Aha ha… It can lasts in seconds to half an hour.

Other symptoms, though not all who have narcolepsy have these symptoms, are cataplexy or sudden muscle weakness, sleep paralysis which feels like being glued to the bed and vivid or hypnogogic dreams whereby the reams felt real and sometime are confused with reality. I never experience cataplexy but I had several time feeling paralysis and vivid dreams which amused, annoyed or even scares me sometime.

5.Paramsonia or Abnormal Arousals : This is people walks, talks and do other bodily functions which are usually suppressed during sleeps. Alternatively, the paralysis or vivid images experienced during dreaming will persist after the woke up. Confusional arousals, sleep talking, sleep walking, night terrors, sleep paralysis or acting out dreams happen with people with paramsonia. Children who have paramsonia will usually outgrow them. But a chronic paramsonia can be dangerous and specialist help are needed.

Well, that’s the five disorders and I was already sleepy at number three. But I needed to finish what I’ve written, so here I am an hour later.

I’ll post another article on tips on getting a good night sleep. But that’s another time and right now, I need to sleep.

Other Articles

• Strange dream again-Living with E.T
• Down but upbeat.
• Best advice I heard in years.
• Ten Emotions of Power-Part One
• Empty Minds

Anthony Robbins-Ten Emotions of Power-Part 2

This is just my personal journal on Anthony Robbins amazing book ‘Awaken The Giant Within’. All original works, copyright, kudos goes to him. Please buy his book, visit his website or attend his seminars and get to know this amazing person. Peace!

I’ve mentioned about how most people deal with emotions which are;
1. Avoidance
2. Denial
3. Competition
4. Learning & Using
Read my previous blog entry here.

This is a continuation of my understanding of dealing with emotions by ‘learning & using’. With this, Tony Robbins talked about the ‘Six Steps of Emotional Mastery’; on how to deal with painful emotions and breaks limiting patterns.

Step One
Identify what you’re really feeling.

When I felt negative emotions, the first thing I do is to identify those feelings. Is it anger? Rejection? Disappointment? Or just being uncomfortable. One way for me to deal with the emotions is writing in this personal blog. It helps me to identify my emotions. Maybe it showed as if I’m wallowing in the negative emotions but I felt I needed the time to identify the emotions by writing it out. Different people will have different ways. Some people might need to just sit it out with a cup of coffee. What’s yours? Take a time out; identify what are you actually feeling.

Step Two
Acknowledge, appreciate your emotions, knowing they support you.

I used to hate my emotions. I hated being emotional. I hated the fact that I’m a woman; having these emotions seem to make the typical stereotype true…that women are emotional. So I became less emotional. Years of ‘training’ makes my wall thicker and higher. And I’m ‘happy’ with that accomplishment.

Not until I found out that emotions is the way my body, my inner & outer world, trying to communicate with me. My emotions are my guidance, my lighthouse and my personal consultant.

If I’m feeling good, it shows I’m doing something right. If I’m feeling bad or negative, it means I need to do something, to change something so I could feel good again.

All emotions, bad or good are signals that needed to be acknowledged. Tony says it best “Cultivate the feeling of appreciation for all emotions.’

Step Three
Get curious about what the message is offering you.

I identified my emotions. I acknowledged & appreciated my emotions. Now, I must be curious on the message my emotions are trying to convey to me. If I’m feeling some negative emotions, then what should I do about it?

Tony presented four simple questions, to raise the curiosity on my emotions.
What do really want to feel?
What would I have to believe in order to feel the way I’ve been feeling?
What am I willing to do to create a solution and handle this right now?
What can I learn from this?

Here, I need to be honest with myself and reminds myself on the four ways to deal with my emotions. Not to fall under avoidance, denial and competitions but into the learning and using mode.

Step Four
Get confident.
“The quickest, simplest and most powerful way I know to handle any emotion is to remember a time when you felt a similar emotion and realize that you’ve successful handled this emotion before” – Tony Robbins

Being alive means I’ve felt several similar emotions several times. Well, many times actually. Now, how did I handle those emotions? How did I overcome them? Did what I've done are positive actions? Not indulging in other things & fall under denial? Did I face it straight up & do positive things that made my negative emotions into positive? Did I understood my emotions & what it was trying to tell me?

So are you having a negative emotion right now? Have you felt it before? What did you do to get yourself up? Once you know what you’ve done before its easier for you to handle your emotion now.

Step Five
Get certain you can handle this not only today, but in the future as well.

If I know that I had handle my emotions before, then I know, with certainty that I’m capable of handling these emotions when it hits me again. 100% certainty. Not maybe. Not I think so. Its I know so.

And there might be more one way that I’ve handled my emotions. When I’m depressed, I took a deep breath & use the steps. Maybe I looked up my nephew baby photos and get motivated to not giving up. Or text my best friend and with that comes the feeling of gratitude that I’ve got someone special in my life.

How did you handle your emotions before? You know you can use it again.

Step Six
Get excited and take actions.

Now that I identified my emotions, I acknowledged & appreciated them as my guidance, I got curious and really questioned my emotions, I asked myself have I ever faced these emotions, how I deal with them and I know that I can handle these emotions when it comes again.

What should I do now?

The above steps are the thoughts process, the last steps are when I took actions. That’s when I choose to listen to inspirations and motivational audio or write in this blog or write an article for my other blogs or looked at my family photos or exercise or look for plain water to drinks or fruits to munch.

Anything good that I understood that are positive and what my negative emotions are trying to tell me to do or change.


Sometime I forgot about these steps and wallow in my dark clouds. When I get back to the simple six steps I found that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Winding paths will come to a straighter and surer paths. A problem will always have a solution.

My next post for this topic will talk about Action Signals. Action Signal are negative emotions that we felt and what are the message and what the action we could take to deal with them.

Again, if you need to know more, please get Anthony Robbins book as this journal is just a tiny fraction of the wisdom he presented.

Have an amazing day!

Strange dreams again-Living with E.T

I've a lot of experiences of having lucid dreams that are very detailed and that I could remember well again. I read about this & it usually apply to people who thinks a lot and have a creative mind. Another explanations I heard was a person who are being bogged or bugged by this sort of dreams have things they didn't finish or a procrastinator.

Which all of the above happily; as being creative and sadly; as being a procrastinator, applies to me.

My dreams sometime and in this case too can be made into a movie. It can span a lifetime. And its actually a day to day life story. What makes it more strange it actually a continuation of previous dreams sometime just right afterward and sometime a few months back. Just came back to same location doing other things.


This time my family and I were somehow contacted by aliens and we started to live with them. Except for my younger brother who apparently had to work. Time line is 2010 as my younger brother complained to me that he'll be 30 in the next few months.

As for aliens, they are not aliens per se, they are more like highly upgraded human being. I mean they looked & act like human being but just like human being in the next few hundreds years. Remember Star Trek or any other futuristic anime or TV series.

I did went to their home planet which they lived with other aliens, which doesn't looked like human at all. But they don't scare me. I've felt somehow familiar with them even visited one of the underground pubs that have all the creatures. There I'm involved in a construction work that nearly went awry but it turns out ok.

I remembered a few times me and my older brother would fly off to see my younger brother & my older would be flying around over our housing estate and I scold him a few times. Especially when he turn off the invisibility mode and other people could clearly see our 'flying object'. This scene felt familiar liked I've dreamt it a few time.

My younger brother would usually hang out with his friends and I would talked to him, telling how are our parents keeping in space. I felt a certain longing because he was living alone & I felt he should follow us. That was when he mentioned he will be 30 soon. Its as if he was telling me he is nearing 30 and have not accomplished anything in his life. And he was trying to have a proper stable job.

Another scene my whole family was back and we are boarding the small shuttle to go back to space. There a cute little girl with us & I'm not sure whether she is my daughter or my niece. But we did bring another person which I'm not sure was my younger brother. Our old neighbors were back and we scared them a bit when my brother, the annoying pilot, didn't use the invisibility mode again.

My last scene were trying to assimilate the new person that I've brought. Again I'm not sure he was my brother or one of my brother friends. I brought him to some sort of spa and here where my dream were really detailed. Its because I was explaining it to him. The hot & cold water function. Toothbrush, shaver. There was a pantry & he was looking for rice to eat and I myself didn't know what to do. An attendant came in and mixed a powderlike substance with hot water, shake it and it becomes like porridge or something. And she says something like ' rice with coffee'. (What the heck?) And there was a massage bed that 'he' could not use. I showed him and he was more relaxed and fall asleep. I massage his shoulder as he slept.

I felt for him at this time. Worried but hopeful. That's how I know he was either my brother or one of his friend that I've considered a brother.

My dream end here.

I think my dream are influence by my previous dream, my current state of mind, a little scene from Hellboy at the Troll market and my last night deep experience after watching Donnie Darko. And I'm still having my cold too.

Down but upbeat.

The days of my depressing blog below had passed. I'm grateful for many reason. I'm not out of the rut or the rat race yet but I'm moving on. So any changes made me pretty upbeat.

My blog was corrupted a few days ago and just manage to find the solution today. I'm down with a flu & feeling rather sleepy right now. But something I've been working on has hit the road & moving. So I'm excited of what's coming. There's a few things that comes to me together with the sense of clarifications.

The roads seem less winding now.

I've updated this blog after my HTML was corrupted. So check out some new things on the right. I put up a playlist playing some of my personal acoustic taste. And I found that this blog is better viewed using Firefox.

And I'm feeling a little bit artsy so thus the changes to my blogs. Header pics by Eri Komura. I intend to change the art & outlook of this blog every month, so get ready of constant play of colours.

Thanks to all who somehow manage to find this blog. I'll be updating more & try to make the content more useful yet still personal.

Still me with lotsa love,
Jacque